I Still Believe Read online

  Frankly, there is nothing on this earth I would choose to place my hope in. I’ve tried, and I’ve talked to many others who have done so too. We are all in agreement—placing hope in anything of this world does not work.

  I’ve been through difficult times that left me hopeless, and I would rather not experience them again. Hopeless people want to give up because the suffering and pain become too much to bear.

  The conversations with those people at merch tables after concerts and the e-mails and letters they’ve sent me are so numerous that I would not even want to try to estimate their number. “Jeremy, your songs bring me hope and encouragement,” they tell me. While that’s nice to hear, the truth is that their hope and encouragement were coming from the Lord. My songs were nothing more than the tools through which He had chosen to touch their hearts.

  LOOKING FORWARD TO HOME

  In more than ten years of touring, I’ve stayed in my fair share of hotels. I’ve stayed in a wide variety of hotels too. Some were so bad I wouldn’t even want to drive by them again. Some spoiled me with their amenities and first-class service. Regardless of the place, do you know what my favorite thing to do at hotels is? Check out! Especially if I’m checking out to head home.

  I can stay in a hotel where a bellhop carries my luggage to my room for me, room service brings a nice meal to me, and a maid makes my bed and cleans my room for me. But I still can’t wait to leave that behind so I can drive up to my house, carry my own suitcases inside to where my family is waiting to greet me, cook up some plain old burgers on the grill myself, and then, perhaps, even—looking back to that one year of high school—vacuum the floor and scrub the commodes.

  Why? Because that hotel may be nice, but it is not my home. It is nothing more than a temporary place to stay.

  We tend to lose sight of this reality that earth is not our true home; it’s just a temporary place to stay. Heaven is my home, and I can’t wait to check out of this old earth and head there. I think back to my friend Jean-Luc’s words at Melissa’s grave site: “Let’s hasten the day!” In the midst of our trials and pain and suffering, we need to be heaven minded.

  My hope and your hope—our hope—is in heaven!

  From experience, I can tell you that Revelation 21:4 offers great comfort to those in pain. It tells us that no matter how difficult our circumstances become, there will be a day that is worth hoping for: “‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

  In Romans 8:18, Paul brings an eternal perspective to our difficulties when he writes, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

  Let me tell you, I’ve hurt. I’ve hurt to the point where I thought it couldn’t get any worse, and then it did. I’ve hurt more than I ever thought I could hurt, and I survived. But as far as the pendulum has swung to the side of pain in my life, God’s Word promises that there will be a day when the pendulum will swing even farther on the side of glory.

  My hope is in those promises of glory!

  Inspired by those verses in Revelation and Romans, I wrote the song “There Will Be a Day.” When we recorded the song, we brought in a choir to sing the chorus and the bridge. A woman in the choir had been suffering from chronic pain. As she sang of the day with no more suffering and pain, she closed her eyes and raised her hands in worship, embracing the hope that someday she would be home, where she would no longer have to suffer through the pain she was experiencing on this earth.

  That’s a hope worth holding on to, and as one who has clutched it with all my might, I know it is a hope worth sharing because “There Will Be a Day”:

  (Verse 1)

  I try to hold on to this world with everything I have,

  But I feel the weight of what it brings

  And the hurt that tries to grab,

  The many trials that seem to never end.

  His word declares this truth,

  That we will enter in this rest with wonders anew.

  (Chorus)

  But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings,

  That there will be a place with no more suffering.

  There will be a day with no more tears,

  No more pain, and no more fears.

  There will be a day when the burdens of this place

  Will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face.

  But until that day, we’ll hold on to You always.

  (Verse 2)

  I know the journey seems so long,

  You feel you’re walking on your own.

  But there has never been a step

  Where you’ve walked out all alone.

  Troubled soul, don’t lose your heart,

  ’Cause joy and peace He brings,

  And the beauty that’s in store

  Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting.

  (Chorus)

  (Bridge)

  I can’t wait until that day

  When the very one I’ve lived for always

  Will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced,

  To touch the scars that rescued me

  From a life of shame and misery.

  This is why, this is why I sing . . .

  (Chorus)

  There will be a day with no more tears,

  No more pain, and no more fears.

  There will be a day when the burdens of this place

  Will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face.

  There will be a day with no more tears,

  No more pain, and no more fears.

  There will be a day when the burdens of this place

  Will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face.

  There will be a day.

  He’ll wipe away the tears,

  He’ll wipe away the tears,

  He’ll wipe away the tears.

  There will be a day.

  OVERWHELMED WITH LOVE AND PEACE

  Late in the spring of 2009, we learned that Adrienne was pregnant with our third child. In August, when she went in for her fourteen-week checkup, the doctor could not find the baby’s heartbeat. He said that was not too unusual at that stage of the pregnancy. When Adrienne had an immediate follow-up ultrasound, the doctor said the baby’s heart had stopped beating a week earlier.

  We hadn’t taken anything for granted with the pregnancy, but when Adrienne entered into the second trimester, we exhaled, knowing the chances of a miscarriage drop at that stage. We were blindsided by the doctor’s report.

  Many times, I had observed Adrienne placing a hand on her growing belly and praying for the little one inside her. We had talked about our plans for preparing a baby room in the house and were looking forward to finding out whether we would have a third daughter or our first son. Bella and Arie were excited about having a new brother or sister.

  We needed a strong sense of the presence of God, and as always, He was there for us. When Adrienne wrote about the miscarriage on our blog, she said, “God has overwhelmed us with His love and peace. We know He is faithful and don’t doubt for a minute that He is in control. We are so thankful for the hope we have in Christ.”

  The day before we learned about the miscarriage, Adrienne had received a call from a friend with a prayer request about a local pastor’s son who had been in a car wreck and was on life support. (The son later went to be with Jesus.) As their discussion continued, Adrienne’s friend said she hoped the Lord would never test her faith in that way.

  Adrienne thought about that conversation—particularly that last part—the rest of the day. The next morning in her prayer time, she got on her knees and told the Lord that she would never want to put limitations on what He could do in her life and that whatever He wanted her to walk through, she would gladly go through for Him.

  It was later that morning that the doctor said we had lost our baby.

  When we informed my parents of the miscarriage, Adr
ienne told my mom about what she had prayed that morning. “Adrienne,” my mom said, “the Lord is strengthening your testimony.”

  The morning after the ultrasound, we read Scripture together and focused on all the things that God had done in our lives and all that He was doing at the time. Psalm 16 was written at a time when David’s life apparently was in danger. In the first verse, David declares that he will take refuge in God. In the remaining verses, in the face of unsettling circumstances, David confidently speaks of the trust he has in God. That was an especially comforting passage for us to share.

  And, as usual, my mom was correct. Adrienne’s testimony has been strengthened. With Twitter and blogs and the like, we had been publicly excited about the pregnancy. Our time of sorrow then became equally public. But just as the Lord had done with me concerning Melissa, He turned difficulties into opportunities. Adrienne has been able to reach out to other women who have suffered through a miscarriage and tell them of the Lord’s goodness in all circumstances.

  Adrienne would later say that she came away from that painful trial with deeper insights on my loss of Melissa. Previously Adrienne had felt sympathy for me. She would say things along the lines of, “Wow, I can’t imagine going through that.” She did not try to compare the miscarriage to Melissa’s passing, but she did grieve losing a child we loved. As we grieved together, she told me, “I can empathize with you more and really understand some of what you felt.”

  The miscarriage of our baby made us appreciate even more having two healthy daughters to brighten our every day, but the miscarriage also touched on some of the fears I had previously had about one of our daughters passing away.

  Maybe we’re supposed to have two kids—that’s why we had the miscarriage, I reasoned. I battled for a while with whether I wanted us to try to have another baby. I didn’t want Adrienne to go through anything like the miscarriage again. I didn’t want us to risk having to go through another heartache.

  The biggest hurdle I faced was allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to trust God again.

  After a while, though, I developed a real peace about trying to have another baby, knowing that no matter what might happen, God had a plan for our family and knew exactly what He was doing.

  Late in 2010, we found out that Adrienne was pregnant. We were excited and, although more cautious about the timing of when we made the news public, we had complete trust in God for the welfare of our baby.

  Because we had two girls, I got the “Do you want a boy or a girl?” question a lot. I was cool with having another girl because Bella and Arie were so sweet and so much fun. But when the doctor told us that the next one would be a boy, I was beaming. “He’s going to be working out and playing football!” I said.

  On August 17, 2011, our little rookie made his debut. We named him Egan Thomas. Egan means “zeal for the house of the Lord” and “young warrior.” My mind-set toward Egan since his birth has been Make him a warrior for You, Lord! May he never look to the right or the left, but keep his eyes on You!

  I’ve noticed something different about having a son after having two daughters. I want to be a man of God for my daughters, but with Egan I want to be an example of a man of God for him to follow. I realize that he will be watching my lead and how I relate to the Lord. I want him to see his dad being passionate and sold out for Christ, uncompromising in his faith. And then I pray that is the type of man Egan will become.

  CHAPTER 19

  I STILL BELIEVE

  Faith and family. My story always seems to come back to that.

  My parents are still in Lafayette and still pastoring the church they started about twenty years ago. The church that started as a Bible study with about twenty people now runs more than five hundred on Sunday mornings. Harvest Chapel has earned a reputation as a church that ministers to the down-and-out of its city. It’s incredible to see what the Lord has done in and through that church and how He has blessed my parents for their faithfulness and obedience to Him.

  My sister, April, is married with four wonderful kids and has her own powerful testimony of God’s grace and mercy. When I left home for college, April was still doing her own thing but to greater extremes than what I had done. Frankly, her life was a mess. While I was at Bible college, I would literally get on my face and pray, “God, please bring my sister back to You.” It took a while—not until after I had finished college—but she did recommit her life to Christ, and her husband, Trent, gave his life to Christ too.

  My brother Jared married a sweet girl named Heather, and they have a young son. Partly because Jared and I were eight years apart and partly because I spent my junior high and part of my high school years chasing my own desires, I wasn’t as close to my brother as I could have been when I left for college. Then I was living out in California and beginning to tour with my music. But eventually Jared and I were able to establish a close relationship. He’s a gifted guitar player and has played in our band. Jared loves God and wants to grow spiritually even more. Traveling together when he was with the band provided us an opportunity to make up for lost time. I hope I’ve been able to be the big brother to him I wasn’t for too many years, and especially to be a big spiritual brother to him and help him along in his walk with the Lord.

  Joshua—what a special young man. He was born with Down syndrome and was only eight years old when I moved off to college, so I didn’t get to spend much time with him, either, as he grew up. Josh has always had so much joy. I remember he would be sick and my mom would say, “Joshua, let’s pray that you feel better.” My mom would pray, and right away Josh would say, “Oh, I feel better!”

  I’ve learned so much from Josh about having a childlike faith, because in those instances when he was sick, trusting was simple for him—my mom would pray, and God would heal him. There was nothing more to it than that. I also loved watching him interact with people. He would go up to someone at church and hug them and love on them, and his face would shine with the most beautiful smile.

  There will be a day when my little brother will be freed from the limitations of Down syndrome. I can’t wait to see him in the presence of our Lord, where he will be able to experience the fullness of understanding and an even deeper joy than he already possesses.

  In 2007, Adrienne and I moved from Lafayette to near Nashville. I think moving away from my family might have been more difficult for Adrienne than for me! She and my mom had developed a Ruth-Naomi relationship. The Bible says that a man will leave his father and his mother and should cleave unto his wife,17 but she had become so close to my parents that she has joked that she felt like she was the one cleaving and leaving.

  Adrienne had met Melissa’s sisters, Megan and Heather, in California, and she sent Melissa’s parents flowers and a letter on each anniversary of Melissa’s passing. Her parents had sent us a wedding gift and then baby gifts for Bella and Arie. When I had the honor of introducing Adrienne and our daughters to Mark and Janette, they were so warm and gracious to Adrienne, and the three of them hit it off instantly. Adrienne and Heather have become close friends and stay in close contact with each other.

  God has been so good to me and has blessed me with a wonderful family. I pray that the world will be so unappealing for my kids that as they grow older and come face-to-face with some of the worldly pleasures I foolishly pursued, they’ll say, “That’s gross—I don’t want that.”

  Adrienne has released two solo albums but for now has not chosen to launch an all-out solo career. She still wants to record songs that are meaningful to her and can be an encouragement to others, but she puts most of her focus on being a mom—and she’s a great one. She homeschools our children so that she and the kids can have flexibility to travel with me at times.

  As much as I enjoy being out on tour, I dislike even more being away from my family. In general, if I am going to be on the road for more than a week, my family will travel with me so we’re not apart for too long. Sometimes they travel with me on shorter trips too.


  As adults, Adrienne and I can talk by phone and still maintain good communication. (After all, we did that most of the time we were engaged.) It’s not the most effective form of communication, but I believe God has given us a special grace and mercy in our marriage to carry out what we are meant to be doing for Him.

  But my kids need their dad’s presence, not his voice over the phone. They need me to be with them and interacting with them. They need to watch me be an example.

  When I would go out on the road and Adrienne and the kids stayed home, Adrienne would pray with the girls at night and tell them, “Daddy is telling people about Jesus, and we’ll get to see them all in heaven one day.”

  Now when I’m on the road, my daughters pray for me before I leave and tell me, “Dad, go tell people about Jesus.” When I return home, the girls ask me, “Did you tell people about Jesus?” Isn’t that awesome? Hearing my daughters ask that melts my heart. Along with Jesus’ Great Commission, I have Bella’s and Arie’s great commission to follow too.

  Not long ago, I was talking with Bella and told her, “I love you so much.”

  “More than Jesus?” she asked.

  “No,” I told her.

  Bella gave me the sweetest look and said, “That’s okay. I know you’re supposed to love Jesus more.”

  I am blessed to be able to share my career with my family.

  Because Adrienne has done the whole tour routine—multiple times—she understands how crazy the schedule on the road can become. She totally gets the business side of the music industry. There have been times when the family is on the road with me and she’ll see the schedule starting to get to me. “Hey,” she’ll tell me, “if it gets too crazy, we’ll go home and let you do your thing.” She is an extraordinarily selfless woman.

  Adrienne has been gifted with a beautiful singing voice. (And the cutest South African accent when she talks, too!) This isn’t a biased comment, by the way, because I was saying this way back on the Festival Con Dios tour when there was not a hint of a spark between us.